14 Essential Tips for Navigating the Teen Years with Confidence

Yesterday, a friend texted me asking for advice on raising teenagers, as her daughter will start her first year of high school next week.

My son is nineteen and a half and is a remarkable young man—responsible, dutiful, appreciative, disciplined, and overall a well-rounded individual. His natural God-given temperament plays a significant role, as he is inherently easy-going.

Although I've made mistakes and still do, I've been intentional about certain aspects of raising my son. I have managed to maintain a good relationship with him as he will soon be entering his twenties. Here are some of my tips for navigating the teen years with more confidence..

1. Keep the lines of communication open. Your teenager will come talk to you when they're ready, it's most often times not when you're not expecting it or ready for it. Accept the call and make yourself available when they come to you.

   
   

2. Humble yourself and apologize when you make a mistake. This is a good habit to embody. This will set the standard for them to do the same; in turn they will feel more comfortable to apologize to you.

   
   

3. Host the friends of your teenager over often. Get to know your kids friends. I know it may seem daunting to be the one who hosts, as your mind may be thinking if your house is even in proper order to be able to host. Whatever state your home is in, just welcome them over. Teenagers are looking for a comfortable and safe place to hang out. I've always been hosting my son's friends, giving them the illusion that I was the 'cool mom', when in reality, it was to be able to see what was happening and to get to know the kind of people my son was hanging around.

   
   

4. Be a safe space. When your teenager talks to you, do your best to listen before speaking. Ask questions instead of jumping to fix-it-mode or giving unwanted advice. Oftentimes they just want to vent, and aren't looking for solutions. Sounds familiar right? Isn't it what we ladies are always preaching to our men? This has always been a challenge for me personally, but when I achieve this, I see better results with my teenager.

   
   

5. Plan monthly one-on-one hangouts with your teenager. Go for a drive, a bite to eat, bowling, hiking, etc. whatever it is you both enjoy. Keep fresh and fun! You will not be the main person in your teenagers life, but you can still be present and not completely irrelevant to them.

   
   

6. Promote openness. I've consistently told my son that regardless of the trouble he might encounter, he can reach out to me at any time of the day. When he's out, I keep my phone's ringer at the highest volume and nearby, just in case I receive a late-night call. Although I've never had to go and pick him up from anywhere, he is aware that I would if necessary.

   
   

7. Offer to be the chaperone to your teenagers prom or big event to ensure safe driving. This way you'll know for certain that your teenager won't be behind the wheel of a drunk driver.

   
   

8. Remember your teenager may look like a mature adult. Physically they may look the part or even portray that they are, but in reality they still have lots to figure out. Be patient with them and give them the space to grow and learn.

   
   

9. Set healthy boundaries. Find the balance of not being an overinvolved parent, or one who isn't really involved much. Just because your teenager can do many things for themselves, doesn't mean they always should. You can find ways to still serve your teenager as a mom that doesn't feel suffocating or limiting them from learning or growing. I.e., I like to cook my sons meals and do his laundry. He often times tells me I don't have to as he also enjoys cooking and is fine with doing his own laundry. It's something I like to do and a way to serve my family. He helps out with taking care of his younger sisters and other house chores, so it all balances out.

   
   

10. Correct without condemnation. There has to be clear consequences to them breaking the rules without breaking the bond.

    
    

11. Keep anger short-lived, and repair the relationship quickly to not let resentment build-up.

    
    

12. Show compassion and understanding to your teenager while still standing by your convictions and rules. Do not succumb to your teenager's fits. (Easier said than done).

    
    

13. Your home, your rules. Although the external world is constantly changing and might not align with your traditional values, remain steadfast. Embrace your family culture with pride and confidence, and let your identity be reflected through your actions and habits in the presence of visitors.

    
    

14. Speak life into your teenagers! Compliment them, magnify their strengths and capabilities. Show them that you believe in the good they can achieve, and are proud of them.

" At the end of the day, the most overwhelming key to a child's success is the involvement of positive parents." - Jane Dee Hull